Cheesburgers Magic Photo Galleries

It’s not Google — Your family photos are not training someone else’s model, filling a “memories” montage you didn’t ask for, or sitting in a mega-corp ad machine. We don’t sell access to your pictures. Google doesn’t get them. Neither does a mystery data broker named Chad. Just you, your gallery, and whoever you actually invite (or a public link you choose to turn on).

Albums that behave — Folders, grids, and a lightbox so bright it once startled a raccoon (the raccoon was fine; it just preferred dark mode).

Private by default — Your cousins see what you allow. Strangers on the internet get the digital equivalent of “sorry, kitchen’s closed.” Public link optional, per gallery, like a secret sauce pump.

A family tree that builds itself — Not the Ancestry.com marathon where you accidentally discover you’re related to a pirate and then forget to save. Ours grows the lazy way: faces show up with little “who’s this?” nudges while people are already looking at photos — like a helpful relative at Thanksgiving who doesn’t corner you about politics. Your family does the hard work just by browsing: Auntie taps a face and says “that’s Marco,” your cousin names the baby in the background, someone finally labels Grandpa’s brother from 1987. Nobody sits down to “do genealogy.” The tree quietly fills in around the dinner table from a hundred tiny “oh, that’s…” moments. No homework. No pedigree charts that look like subway maps. One day the tree is… just there. Magic. (Still baking — but the kitchen smells promising.)

Pro tip: recruit as many Boomers as you can — preferably grandmas. They are walking facial-recognition APIs with better accuracy than our software and a personal vendetta against unlabeled wedding photos. One grandma with a tablet can out-name three millennials and a group chat. The Silents (the generation before Boomers) will also casually identify everyone at the 1958 picnic while you’re still zooming. Free them from the group text. Point them at the gallery. Watch the tree throw a parade.

Face boxes — We draw polite rectangles around faces so you can later ask “who is this person holding the weird casserole?” Think name tags for the past. Less creepy than it sounds. More useful than the sticky note still on your monitor that says “sort photos!!!”

Works on phones — Thumb-scroll your childhood like a buffet line. No app store pilgrimage, no “update required,” no downloading an app the size of a small novel.

Cloud that isn’t a cloud — Photos live in serious grown-up storage (R2). We just call it “the walk-in fridge” in the marketing department. Cold, secure, and nobody’s snacking on your pixels uninvited.

1. Make a gallery — Takes less time than arguing about whose turn it is to host holidays.

2. Dump photos in — Folders, files, even the ZIP your cousin named FINAL_final_v3_REALLY.zip.

3. Browse like a human — Grid, lightbox, albums. Point at faces. Whisper names. Feel powerful.

4. Watch the tree grow — Slowly, politely, without a single webinar about “unlocking your lineage.”

“I uploaded 400 photos of my dog and the site did not judge me.” — Pat, owner of one (1) dog

“Finally, a gallery that understands both Grandma’s scans and my phone’s 47 near-identical sunsets.” — Alex, professional sunset collector

“I turned on the public link by accident and only three raccoons RSVP’d.” — Jordan, event planner

“The family tree asked me who the baby was and for once I knew the answer. Peak adulting.” — Riley, occasionally reliable

“Cheesburgers fixed my family. Also my hard drive. Mostly the hard drive.” — Sam, optimist

“I told my partner this was a serious SaaS product. Then I showed them the landing page. We’re still together.” — A developer who will remain nameless (hi)

Is this a real product name? For today, yes. Tomorrow we may rebrand to “Slightly More Professional Photo Thing.” Enjoy the cheese while it lasts. The magic stays either way.

Do you sell actual cheeseburgers? No. That would be a different startup, a different health code, and a much greasier keyboard. We considered delivery. Legal said no. Legal is no fun at parties.

Will the family tree force me to do genealogy homework? Absolutely not. If we ever send you a 40-question quiz about great-grandparents, please screenshot it and mock us publicly. The tree is supposed to grow while you’re living your life, not replace your life.

Can I invite my whole family? Soon. For now you can open a gallery, upload, and practice saying “please stop emailing me ZIPs.” Invites are next on the menu, right after we invent a napkin feature.

Is my data safe? Safer than that shoebox under the bed. Less safe than a vault on the moon. We’re working our way toward “moon-adjacent.” Google still doesn’t get a key. Chad neither.

Why “Cheesburgers”? Because “Enterprise Synergy Photo Cloud” made everyone sad, and we refuse to be sad about family pictures. Also the domain was… look, don’t overthink the branding. Think of the fries.